Prepping When Your Spouse Is Opposed

Being prepared is really important to some people and completely weird to others. I believe it should be important to everyone, but its not and we have to accept that.




When one person comes to the realization that being prepared just makes sense and wants to get started but their spouse is not only unenthusiastic but is actively opposed, the potential for conflict can grow each day. In this episode we are going to talk about how to approach your spouse with the idea of preparedness and how to avoid the big blowout fights that could happen.

Home should be the one place in the world where we are the most comfortable and at peace.  Even if you can't get your spouse to agree or appreciate your preparedness efforts you should be able to get them to the point where they realize that it is important to you and as such will support your desired to some degree. Here are some things that will help you talk to your spouse about preparedness and how to build up your self reliance without too much conflict in your home.

Reasons your spouse is opposed to being prepared

For anyone who has had an interest in being prepared for any time at all, it can be difficult to think of any logical reason that someone would be opposed to having a basic level of preparedness. Logical is the key term here, we are talking about someone's opinions and feelings. Opinions and feelings do not have to be logical to be important to the person. Some of the reasons your spouse might not be comfortable with prepping could be legitimate and others won't be.

Doomsday Preppers

This television show has been a blessing and a curse to everyone who thinks being prepared is a good idea. The show does call into question the likelihood of something traumatic happening. This show does demonstrate things that can be done that will make someone more prepared for a major event, but that is about the entirety of its benefits to anyone.

How has Doomsday Preppers harmed the idea of preparedness? Lots of ways, but we will cover just a few. First, the producers of the show make everyone who appears on the show look like lunatics. Second, the show makes it look like you have to have a lot of discretionary income to be prepared. Third, the show implies that everyone who prepares is expecting the worst to happen and for people to act in the worst possible way. If you will think about it objectively, you will see how this show has done way more to damage the image of anyone who is trying to be prepared than it has done any good at all.

Preparing for something makes it more likely to happen

As I wrote that statement I realize how strange that sounds, but it is true that there are some people who honestly believe if they don't think about something, it won't happen to them. Taking any kind of preventative action forces people to think about bad things happening them and not to someone the next town over, but to them. Denial is comfortable.

I don't want people to think we are weird

When I first told my wife that I wanted to start increasing our food storage and I wanted to be better prepared, her first response was "You're not going to become one of those Doomsday people are you?" I had to ease her fear. This took time, but I am glad to say that now she will notice things that we should have more on hand. In hindsight I could have handled the situation better and helped her along the path quicker. This is one reason I am trying to help those of you who find yourself in the situation that I found myself.

We don't have the money

Once again we have Doomsday Preppers to thank for this fear. This show makes it look like you have to have a fortune to be prepared. This couldn't be further from the truth. I believe in a system that I have come to call SIIS ( Small Intentional Incremental Steps). As best I can tell this system is from my own backwoods brain and I believe it is the best system for people of limited resources to do really anything. We will be going into great detail about the SIIS system in the near future. For this we will just say do a little each time that builds on each other to reach a desired goal.

We don't have the space

When a lot of people think of prepping they envision an entire room filled with long term food storage or a closet full of water storage. The truth is that prepping will take up some room, but done wisely it doesn't have to make your home look like an episode of Hoarders.

Organize your thoughts

This suggestion is a good idea no matter what you're wanting to talk about. Organizing you thoughts ahead of time shows your spouse that whatever you are talking about is important to you. It shows them that you have actually taken the time to think about the situation and you are not just reacting to something. Just organizing your thoughts and reasons will make you more effective.

I will be the first to admit that very few conversations go exactly the way we think they will. You will not be able to predict every possible reaction your spouse will have. You will have to adjust what you say based on their reactions and responses. If they are reacting emotionally, you may have to let it go for the time being and talk about it later.

The terms" I think"," I believe", and "I feel" are not interchangeable." I think" is thought based. The term" I feel" is emotion based. "I believe" can be a mixture of both. This is something that should be taught in every public speaking class in the world. Marketing companies use the differences in these terms all the time based on how they want the consumer to respond. You are not being manipulative if you think ahead of time about which term to use. You are trying to make sure that you express yourself as effectively as possible.

Get involved

I have a feeling this one will be primarily for the guys out there, but it is worth a mention to all. I know some guys that the sum total of their activity is going to work, coming home, sitting in their recliner, eating what their wife fixes for supper, showering, going to bed, then repeat. On the weekend they will mow the yard then sit and watch whatever sports event is on television (it doesn't even matter if it is from 1988....I wonder who is going to win).

Just imagine how you would respond if you did almost everything in an organization and someone who had been a member since the organization was founded but had never really taken an active role in the administration started trying to dictate how you ran things. You would be upset at minimum, more likely angry. This is the way some spouses will respond. I have heard of it happening. Even if they don't get angry unless you are involved they don't have to do anything you say. I can just imagine telling my wife, "Honey, I want you to pick up 10 cans of beef stew this week.". She could forget or "forget". Since I am involved I can just pick things up to be added to the food storage.

The Conversation

By this point you should have put a considerable amount of thought and time into getting ready for this conversation. Very few, if any, conversations go exactly as we expect. If you have put the time into organizing your thoughts, either in your head or on paper, it will be much easier to communicate effectively. Here are some tips to make the conversation go smoothly.

Make it relatable

If you were going to have this conversation today there are several events you could reference; Hurricane Patricia, flooding in Texas or South Carolina, wild fires in the Pacific Northwest. No matter when you have this conversation there will be some disaster in the past couple of weeks that you can reference. A natural disaster happens very regularly and people in the impact area of those disasters go through really tough times. Let your spouse know that you are genuinely concerned about the well being of your family.

Ask questions

This should really be a conversation with give and take. It shouldn't turn into a lecture or a monologue.  How would we take care of our family if we couldn't get to a store for a few days? What would we do if we were without power for an extended period of time (think 3 to 10 days)? How would we get things if the ATM's or debit cards weren't working? By asking questions you are making your spouse think. You are asking them to consider the possibilities of something happening and how they think you as a family should deal with these potential threats.

Allow them to express themselves. Don't interrupt. Ask followup questions. Steven Covey in his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People made a statement that I have tried to implement in my life. Listen to understand, not to be understood. Too many times we really only listen to someone good enough to come up with a response to what they say, we really aren't listening to what they mean. This is your spouse we are talking about here, listen to understand.

We have had a good example locally for the last question. We live in a small community. In fact our county would be considered small as far as population is concerned. Our county has a regionally owned phone company, yup they still exist. All of our internet access that isn't mobile based goes through this company. Well not long ago one of their cable trucks caught on fire and damaged a major routing hub. Over half of the county was without internet service for over 24 hours. When a business is without internet service they can't take any credit or debit cards. There were people in a panic over just one day without internet. You can use that if you want in your conversation.

Don't reference world changing events

DO NOT talk about global crisis unless one is right in your face. Talking about the possibility of nuclear war isn't going to help your case, neither is the Yellowstone super volcano. Could these things occur? Sure, but the likelihood of them happening is so much smaller than damaging straight line winds. Are you willing to sacrifice doing anything at all if you can't do everything?

Respect

Even if you do everything right your spouse still could be opposed. It does happen. Don't escalate the conversation and continue a conversation that isn't going to end well just because your conviction is so strong. You may have to reach a point where you tell your spouse something along the lines of "I respect your opinion but this is important to me and I am going to prepare some, I want you to respect me and my thoughts as well."

If this happens you will have to be the one who works on your family's preparedness on your own.

The build up

Remember SIIS ? (Small Intentional Incremental Steps) Food, water, basic comfort, and sanitation are the things your should focus on first. At this point you shouldn't even be considering going out and buying a tricked out AR15 and 10,000 rounds calling it being prepared. If you want one that's fine, but don't try to justify it with preparedness to your spouse, especially when you are first getting started.

We will go into much greater detail in the future about individual steps, just remember that each action should build on all of the others. Focus on food, water, and basic comfort. I have included links to previous posts on each.

The demonstration

If you are patient and consistent something will happen that will show your spouse that you are not as crazy as they thought. My demonstration came a couple of years ago. When my wife asked what I wanted for my birthday I told her I wanted a camp stove. She looked at me and asked if this was some of that prepper stuff. I told her it could be used for that, but I wanted us to start camping. It wasn't 10 days later, the weather guessers were calling for a snow, but nothing to be concerned about. It started snowing in the late afternoon. By the time we went to bed we had a nice amount of snow on the ground. My wife woke up at around 4:30 in the morning. The power was out. I have no idea how long the power was out before she woke up, but it was long enough for the house to be cooling off a good bit. I got up and started a fire in the fireplace, got out the camp stove and fixed breakfast for my family. My wife just looked at me. She later asked me "How did you know?". I didn't, I just wanted to be able to take care of my family.

The hope

The hope of every preparedness minded person should be that they never have to use their preps and if they do it is either for something short term or to help someone out in the community. Being prepared is so much easier when you have a team. Your spouse is supposed to be your number one team member. With out their support it will be a lot more difficult, but you can still get it done.

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22 Things to Keep in Your Car

If you have been following along you will know our youngest son is graduating high school this year and will be either going to college or an apprenticeship program, either one is going to require him to travel more than he ever has before. I have started assembling him a really good car kit. I mentioned a couple of these items in Self Reliance Gifts for Graduates, but they are worth repeating.

It doesn't matter if you just drive across town, across state, or across country. Eventually you will run into trouble. I know, I know a lot of people just pick up their phone and call AAA. That is a good option but sometimes it takes them a while to get to you. Wouldn't it be a good idea for you to know how to take care of yourself and how at least the basics of car maintenance and self reliance. 

You could be caught in a snow storm, a massive traffic jam, or countless other events that can range from a minor inconvenience to a major catastrophe. Having some basic supplies and some skill you can get yourself or your loved ones out of a bad situation. Building an emergency car kit can make you look like a hero. Having an emergency car kit does not make you a Doomsday Prepper, just someone who wants to be self reliant. What should be in this kit? I am so glad you ask.

Repair or Breakdown Items

1 A Good Jack.

A jack is the thing that raises your car up so you can change the tire if you have a flat. The problem is that most of the jacks that come standard with cars stink. They are difficult to use and can be unstable. A bottle jack is much easier to use and if you chock the tires properly are as stable as any. If you have the storage room a small floor jack is best. A small floor jack once you learn how to use them are the easiest and most stable of them all. Again you will still need to chock the tires. 

2. A Good Spare Tire

I was shocked when I first heard that many new cars no longer come standard with a spar tire. REALLY!?!?!?! Is it really that important to save a couple hundred dollars and a few dozen pounds? Even a do-nut spare is better than nothing. If you have a flat and they happen everyday, you will be thankful for that spare. Oh and learn how to change the tire. If you do not have a spare you can get one at your local auto dealer or sometimes your local tire store.

3. A Set of Jumper Cables

Also known as booster cables. You know what these are. Your dad or maybe your grandfather had a set. Jumper cables are two heavy gauge wires with a clamp on each end of both wires. These are used to help start a car that has a dead battery. If you don't know how to use jumper cables don't worry, There are plenty of videos on YouTube to teach you how.

If you are afraid to ask someone for help, you can purchase a jump pack. Just be sure to charge it every 6 months. Another note on jump packs. They are designed to help get your car started if the battery is a little low. If you keep trying to crank your car till the battery has run completely down, you may still be stuck.

4. Flashlight or Headlamp

You can never have too many flashlights, or at least that is my motto. Don't believe me? You could ask my wife and she would agree. They are great for around home, camping and really anywhere, but you will truly not appreciate their value until you are trying to change a tire after dark on a section of road with no streetlights. I keep both in my vehicle at all times. I really like my headlamp. A headlamp frees up my hands so that I can work on what ever I am having to deal with. If needed they are worth their weight.

5. Small Set of Wrenches

If you are handy at all a small set of wrenches are important. Something as simple as a ground wire becoming disconnected from your battery can leave you stranded. If you have a set of wrenches that ground wire problem becomes only a 2 minute inconvenience. There are several other ways that a set of wrenches can get you quickly back on the road again. You will need to know if you need a SAE or metric set of wrenches for your automobile. 

6. Safety Reflectors or Flares 

Even as I write this I feel like I am telling everyone to become "Safety Sam", but the truth is when you are out on the road safety is critically important. This is especially true on dark roadways and/or rainy nights. 

Safety reflectors are the orange triangles. They are designed to bounce light off of themselves and almost appear to glow. When placed at 10, 50, and 100 feet intervals from the back of your automobile or should I say the travel side of the road. (Note: This recommendation is not what is required for commercial drivers. Their regulations are different. If you drive a commercial vehicle, please familiarize yourself with those regulations.) They will warn people that there is a problem up ahead. 

Safety flares. There are several types of safety flares now, we are only going to cover two. The ones I like best are the traditional flares, you know the ones that burn for about fifteen minutes and then are gone. Why do I like those? Because they are multipurpose. You can use them for safety and you can use them to start a fire if conditions are not conducive to do so. There are also beacon flares. These are battery powered and easily stored. There is only one use for them, but for most people they would probably be the preferred choice.

7. Extra Fluids

This may not sound like it is that important, but it can be. You are not going to be able to do a whole lot if you have a radiator hose burst or you knock the oil pan out from under your car, but for less spectacular events having extras could get you to a repair shop or home. A small hole in a radiator hose can cause your car to overheat. As the coolant level goes down the temperature of the engine goes up. Being able to add a gallon of coolant could buy you several more miles of travel. The same is true of transmission fluid and oil if a small hole were to be knocked into their respective reservoir pans. 

Personal Comfort, Survival, and Sanity

8. Water

This should be true for everyone, but especially those that have and travel with children. If you were to breakdown and help were to be an hour or longer in coming you will be thankful for water. If the need to walk any distance occurs the need for water increases.

Plastic bottles are best even though they can have issues. Stainless steel bottles are durable but they are expensive and can get what I call canteen funk. It is a bad taste and smell. They do reduce waste, but no one can argue with the convenience of plastic and you can still reduce waste if you try.

Easiest is just keep a half case or more of bottled water. Use from it and when the supply gets low replenish. I like reusing one liter soda bottles. The plastic is thicker and is made to be able to handle high acid content drinks. That makes them more durable. Just rinse them out well and fill with water. Reusing the same container over and over reduces waste. If you have someone who is not a big fan of water you can always keep some kool aid instant packs or the little Mio things.

9. Snacks

This is another big one if you have children. I cannot tell you the number of times we were going somewhere and one of the children would announce that they were hungry. Packs of sandwich crackers were my go to when the kids were small. Now that the children are older I keep things that are a little more substantial. Beef jerky is always a big hit. Food helps calm the nerves and gives you energy to keep going.

Why is keeping snacks in your car important? Last year the was a pop up snow storm. No one was really expecting it to be much. But it quickly shut down the interstate systems in both Birmingham and Atlanta. I know people who were stuck on the interstate for 19 hours. Having some food in the vehicle would have really come in handy.

You know what your family likes and is willing to eat so choose accordingly. 

10. Non Electric Entertainment

This one is crucial if you have children or grand children that travel with you. Imagine if you were stuck on the interstate like in the example above with children. Children can get bored pretty quickly. A bored child is a difficult child. If you had coloring book and crayons or travel board games, it could take a lot longer before the child or children get bored. Believe me there are only so many times you can play I Spy and it be thrilling. This can really be a blessing.

11. A Way to Charge Your Cell Phone

Communication is key in any emergency situation. The last thing you would want to happen in an emergency would be to loose that ability to communicate to loved ones. I doesn't matter if you just have one of the DC powered chargers or the nicer power packs that can be charged in advance. All of these are nice to have and you will have to decide what is best for your situation. 

12. Toilet Paper and Probably a Bucket

Back to all of the people who were stranded on the interstate for up to 19 hours, I don't know about you but I cannot go that long without having to use the toilet. Depending on what needs to be done this situation could be easier for us guys and then again possibly not. Having a roll or two of toilet paper with you can make a world of difference.

Most of the time we guys can just head for the bushes and get done whatever needs doing. For ladies and children having a bucket and several plastic bags with you can make a bad situation a little better. A small 2 to a 2.5 gallon bucket is best. Just line the bucket with a plastic bag, do your business then dispose of the bag.

13. A Change of Clothes

I always keep a change of clothing with me. I have had pants rip and instead of having to leave work and go home or go somewhere and buy a pair of pants I have an extra pair with me. If your work is strenuous or there is the chance that you could get very dirty, a change of clothes just makes sense. I change out what backup clothing I have dependent on the season. Right now I have a pair of long heavy pants, insulated socks, thermal undergarment, t shirt, and an extra toboggan cap. Once again if you travel with little ones it is a good idea to have a change of clothes for each one of them.

14. Blankets

Not only do you not want to get cold, but the last thing you want to hear is Mom/Dad I am cold from a child. Keeping a blanket in your car is a great practice to get into. Now, I personally like the Emergency Blankets that are made of Mylar. Why? Because they are light weight, take up very little space and there are tons of uses for them. That may be another post in the near future. But there is something to be said for a traditional blanket or throw especially with children. There is something comforting in a fuzzy, warm blanket.

15. Poncho or Umbrella

I am not a big umbrella fan, I am of the mindset "a brave man likes the feel of nature on his face, but a wise man knows when to get out of the rain". A cold rain can cause your body temperature to drop which can put you at risk for hypothermia. Not a good thing. If you were to have to leave your car in the rain to walk for help an umbrella or poncho becomes priceless.

16. Towel

One good thing about this one is it can be a towel that has been demoted from the bathroom. For cleaning up, drying off, padding something. Several uses and just a good idea.

17. Fire Extinguisher 

I will never forget a little over 15 years ago, my boys and I were driving down the road when all of a sudden the truck just quit on me. We were able to coast into a parking lot and not be right on the side of the road. My boys were small, so we sat there just for a moment when I realized the truck was on fire. I hopped out and got my boys out of the truck and far enough away from the flames that if something worse were to happen they would have been okay. I am not a frantic kind of person so as soon as I was sure everyone was safe I started trying to work on the situation at hand. I really had no way to fight the flames. By the time the fire department arrived the truck was totaled. Who knows? If I had had a fire extinguisher in the truck I may have been able to save it. I will be honest. I need to get one now.

18. First Aid Kit

First Aid Kits are one of the things that people either tend to have one that is too small for their needs or go way overboard. You can purchase them pre-made or assemble them yourself. My rule of thumb is not to have anything you do not know how to use, but have enough items to handle several small injuries and at least one big injury. Also include over the counter medications for common ailments i.e. headaches, stomach aches, allergies, etc.

19. Feminine Hygiene Products

For me traveling alone, this is not that big a deal. But if I am traveling with my family it can be a very big deal. My wife and daughters sometimes need these and if they are not able to get them no one  is happy. Plus there are a lot of uses for them such as for first aid and for fire starters.

20. Hand Sanitizer

A lot of people keep this on hand all of the time. I really haven't tended to do so until recently. With all of the sickness that is going around I have been a little more conscious of keeping my hands clean. If you are going to have to eat, you will want to clean your hands and if you were to have to deal with a diaper you will too. Not to mention that most of the hand sanitizers are a very high percentage of isopropyl alcohol. It can be used to help start a fire as well.

21. Sunscreen.

Around here this one is very important in the summertime and for those with fair complexions. No one wants to deal with a sunburn on top of being stuck in a major traffic jam or being broken down on the side of the road.

22. Wet Wipes. 

Important for everyone, but critical for those with small children. Wet wipes are great for cleaning up messy faces or any other body part and sometimes that is exactly what you need. They are really handy if you have to do some repair work and want to clean up.

There you go. 22 things to keep in your car. I hope you found this post simple and straight forward. Did I leave anything out? I would love to hear your suggestions in the comments on this post.

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